Pamela (50) finds it difficult to trust people or accept a compliment. "Because of what I have been through, I often quickly get the feeling that they want something from me." Still, some people have come her way who selflessly offered her help. Not her husband, who indiscriminately sold her, not once but twice, to a madam, nor her father, who left Pamela to her own devices even after calling for help. But people with their hearts in the right place. AND the volunteers of TheBridge2Hope. "Thanks to them, I can heal now."
The beginning
Pamela’s journey starts in Nigeria, when her husband finally convinces her to move to Italy.
“I didn’t particularly want to leave,because I had a good job as a personal assistant to a lawyer at ahuman rights organization in Lagos. My husband wanted to start afamily, but he also wanted to work in Italy. I didn’t want to raisechildren on my own so I eventually resigned and went with him toItaly.”
Only a week after their arrival, 26-year-old Pamela was sold by herhusband to a madam to work as a prostitute. She was utterlydevastated. Her husband assured her that this is how everyone earnsmoney there. “I was shattered. I begged him—my body is not for sale.But I had to obey him, because I was his wife.”
Italy
At the madam’s farm, Pamela cried all day. She managed to get herfather on the phone, but he hung up on her.
“If there ever wassomeone who could have fought for me, it was him. But my fate meant nothing to him.”
In the days that followed, Pamela was unable to submit to having sex with clients and attempted suicide several times. Furious that Pamela wasn’t earning anything, the madam sent her back to her husband, who drove her to Germany, dropped her off in front of a brothel inOldenburg, said “this is Germany”, and drove off.
Germany
In Germany, Pamela again refused to sell her body. “Sandra, one of the 15 women working there, overheard the madam screaming at me and took me under her wing. She said I reminded her of someone dear to her, called me aunty affectionately, and told me she’d pay my rent.”
Soon after that, the madam moved the women to a larger club. The club was robbed twice in one week. After the second robbery, when a gun was held to Pamela’s head, she ran outside and collapsed in tears in front of the club. By chance, a German man named Uwe was passing by and helped her escape to the Netherlands. Meanwhile, Pamela’s sister in Nigeria finalized her divorce papers. Pamela was finally free of her husband.
Netherlands
In the Netherlands, Pamela was taken in by a friend of her niece. While trying to apply for a residence permit, she became seriously ill. “I lost a tremendous amount of blood when I had periods. Nothing helped—not iron supplements nor removing fibroids. Then a blood clot was discovered in my leg. The doctors placed a filter near my heart so that if the clot burst, it wouldn’t kill me.” While she is recovering from that surgery, a social worker walks into her hospital room. "Anneke, her name is Anneke. She thrust a lawyer's business card into my hands. After that, I never saw her again."
Stepping out of oneself
The lawyer starts the procedure for a residence permit and strongly recommends Pamela talk to a psychologist. "I thought things were going well again. I also thought that what my husband had done to me was simply part of married life. However, I had taught myself in Italy and Germany to step out of myself so that whatever happened happened to that person in that body, and not to me. My soul, I thought, remained untouched this way." Pamela spoke with a psychologist at Kruispost, who referred her to Equator, a center specializing in psychological trauma, where she began therapy.
“I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and a personality disorder.” She was prescribed medication to help her sleep and manage mood swings, which she still takes every day.
TheBridge2Hope
Pamela was still trying to rebuild her life when a friend told her about TheBridge2Hope. “You won’t believe this, but on my way to work, I always walked past the Bonte Kraai, where TheBridge2Hope is based. I had seen Anu, the program manager, there before, but had no idea what she actually did. We talked, and soon after that, I was admittedto the program.”
Perspective
Pamela could never have imagined how much the foundation would give her.
“Through TheBridge2Hope, my social network has grown, and I’ve started to trust people again. Thanks to the support of all the volunteers at TheBridge2Hope, I’ve regained hope, a sense that I matter, and that I can still build a life. I want to set up an after-school program for Nigerian children. And when I’m feeling strong enough, I want to speak publicly and share my story. If I can help even one person, it would have been worth it.”
Bridge to me
"In the end, I always refused to have sex with strange men, but my self-esteem and pride, everything was taken away from me in that dark period. My husband dehumanized me; the madams only cared about money, not my life; even my father didn't think I was worth anything. Yet I want to go on, because life is still beautiful. Thanks to the help of all my saving angels and TheBridge2Hope , I can now heal and say that this chapter is part of my story, but it is not who I am. TheBridge2Hope is a bridge to me."
"Cross-post is a medical clinic in Amsterdam providing basic healthcareto residents without insurance, housing, or legal residency.
Equator has since merged into ARQ Center '45, "a center of expertise in the field of psychological trauma."
Written by Bianca Wijnstekers
