Nigerian-born Stella (45) likes to be busy. Not just because she is industrious, but also because she has to work hard to make ends meet and she would otherwise fall into a downward spiral. Therapy helps her get a grip, but it has slimmed down considerably. The financial help she received to pay her rent was suddenly terminated. No matter what she does, it never seems good enough. A sense of regret prevails: "If only I had made different choices.".
One big family
It was in 2024 that Stella first reached out to TheBridge2Hope. A friend, former participant of the organisation’s programme felt Stella was too caught up in her thoughts and needed something more practical alongside therapy. That turns out to be the push she needs.“Taking part in the classes makes me feel lighter and helps rebuild my confidence. I neverwent to school, so I’m a slow learner. But no one, neither the other participants nor thevolunteers, judges me for it. On the contrary, they cheer me on, especially when I feel likegiving up. We are one big family, sharing both joy and sorrow. For me, TheBridge2Hope isexactly that: a place of hope”
All on all
Still, something gnaws at Stella. No matter what she does to make a meaningful contributionto society in the hope of earning a residence permit, she gets nothing in return. In fact, sheonly seems to lose more. It’s certainly not a lack of motivation. Stella cooks passionately atDe Meent Farm and at Het Wereldhuis, both of which offer voluntary work and guidance toundocumented people. On weekends, she often volunteers at the Red Cross, preparingmeals for those in need. She finds peace on Sundays when she sings in the church choir.“Because I don’t get paid for any of this, I clean houses for elderly people and care for them, giving them love and attention. The church also gives me a little money, so in the end I always manage to pay my rent.”
Always stressed
Five years ago, Stella still received rent support. Encouraged by her case manager at Vluchtelingenwerk, she enrolled in a program to start her own business. Stella wanted to show initiative and thought she was doing the right thing. But when she finished the program, her rent support was terminated.“Apparently, by signing the participation form, I had agreed to return to Nigeria aftercompleting the program. I was tricked. I can’t go back.”
Her therapy has also been scaled back even though she needs it desperately. “I’m always stressed, especially at the end of the month when the rent is due. I don’t want to end up on the streets again.” Then, in a soft voice, she adds, “And be raped again.” After a pause: “If only I had listened to my father.”
Dishonored
Stella grew up in a Christian family with nine children. Her parents were traders and from a young age she learned the tricks of the trade so she could take care of herself. “When I was about nineteen, a man started visiting often, bringing my father gifts. He was trying to win his favor because he wanted to marry me. I wasn’t circumcised, which made me very desirable.” But Stella refused. “I had never said no to my parents before, but this was something they couldn’t force me to do. As a result, my father disowned me. He never wanted to see me again and threw me out of the house.”
She continues, “I stayed with a friend and met a man who had a lot of money.” He turned out to be the leader of a notorious gang. One day, Stella saw on the news that he was wanted by the authorities. Frightened, she fled. But fate caught up with her when she ran into some of his gang members. “They told me I had to go with them. I refused and they raped me. I managed to escape, but I had nowhere to go and life on the streets was brutal.”
Flight
When Stella later heard that her boyfriend had been killed, she knew she was no longer safe. She decided to flee. Like so many others, she fell into the hands of human traffickers who promised her a better life. They put her on a plane to Amsterdam, where she was forced to work in a brothel. Eventually, Stella managed to escape. “I saw an opportunity and jumped into a tram. After several stops I got off crying and approached a man who then called the police.” Stella was taken to a shelter, where for a long time she didn’t dare to speak a word terrified that someone might inform her traffickers.
Regret
“Sometimes I think, ‘If only I had married that man, I could have been spared so much suffering. I wouldn’t have had to beg for money. I could have said goodbye to my father before he died. Maybe I could still trust men.’ I can’t change the past, but I can’t let it go either. If only I had made different choices.” Would her life have been easier if she had said yes back then? She doesn’t know. “But right now, it feels like I don’t exist. I’m not rewarded or appreciated for everything I do. I feelused.”
Hope
Yet Stella keeps picking herself up. Now she finds strength and support at TheBridge2Hope. The greatest value of the organization, she says, is that it offers much more than just the lessons. “The volunteers also help us with things outside class. They’re genuinely interested in us and want to know how we’re doing. All of that gives me energy and confidence.” Stella knows she lives too much in her head. “I hope TheBridge2Hope can help me learn totalk about what I’ve been through and find peace with it. And that they can help me get a residence permit.”
Written by Bianca Wijnstekers
